It was my birthday yesterday, and we celebrated it with friends from Murrurundai. It was wonderful, but I can't help thinking that it was just yesterday that I turned 18, and now I'm 37... I'm not sure if I should feel nostalgic or happy. With those around me I had lots of amazing experiences, perhaps more than what most people will have in their whole lives. I thank God for brining me this far, and in such a remarkable way. Luckily I survived the sometimes bumpy ride.

I'm now pondering on whether to take on more landscape work, or scale down on my day job and take the plunge? It's becoming Winter now and the weather is less suitable for Landscaping work anyway. Take on a solo show at a good gallery could be rather expensive, and perhaps a bit of a gamble. I must admit that my heart yearns to do more art, and to not be divided. But there is always uncertainty about the timing, and if it is premature. I'm also deciding on a few more definite styles that I will pursue in my works. No doubt it will always vary a bit, but I want my work to be very recognisable, even by those who don't have a trained eye. Will this restrict my artistic freedom... ? Again, not 100% sure but I will give it a try. Feel free to share your thoughts with me on this by commenting below. This week I have to focus on putting works into frames, naming and writing, documenting, publishing and so forth. I want to produce produce. Got so many thoughts and feelings to express! 

I feel that I have recently been a bit harsh on Ozies in my blog  on a few occasions, and I want to give some gratitude and apologise. Perhaps I am wanting things to be the way I am used to it, and feel that people has to be more like me, and African. I think I expected Australia to be very similar to South Africa, but it's quite different in most regards. There are many really good things about Australians. Ozies are very friendly. I think that South Africans lost their compassion to a certain extent due to the rampant crime. People there keep to themselves and have become much more suspicious. We have been so warmly welcomed into the neighbourhoods here, and even know everybody by name in our whole street. In Malaysia, that would never happen, unless you stay in a very small village. The Australian culture might not be very obvious and striking, but there is qualities that one can distinguish. I think the most obvious one for me is the openness of people once you know them. I'm trying to force myself to think of more things, but I am still exploring and learning about the Ozie culture. What I can say with certainty, is that Australia and Australian are great, and we are honoured and privileged to be part of this huge continent. Thanks to everyone here for being nice to me, and please excuse my sometimes abrupt comments. I am adjusting. Perhaps you would have felt the same if you moved to South Africa or Malaysia...  I do believe that being able to look at a culture, being 'seperate' from it is an artistic advantage and I will try to use it positively.

I am divided between emotions of extreme joy and compassion and then sadness at times. I have Tourette syndrome, and it has made my life rather interesting to say the least. I don't mean to change your perception of me, but perhaps trying to understand my extreme emotions. Jen jokes by saying that I get PMS once a month, but the reality is that most probably it's TS. It's an illness that there is little known about, and it is less obvious once you reach adulthood. There are certainly advantages. The connection between left and right brain lobs are said to be much better, and one continues to explore emotionally and creatively, not blunting off with age as most do, unfortunate to say. It is however a burden to carry. My childhood was extreme, with severe stuttering,  being extremely emotional and never fitting in very well, tics and then the unexplained sadness that overwhelmed my whole being at times. It's like depression, but without a tangible cause. Like on Wednesday, I was just so sad, and even felt like crying in the afternoon for absolutely no reason. On Thursday it was better again, and Friday was just fine. It teaches me to withstand emotions, and look at them objectively, separate from me, and push myself back into positiveness. It can fail, and cause me to slumber into depression for longer periods of time.

I'm thankful that I got to know Jesus, and that He has given me a level of stability that I never knew before. Well, Jesus and Jen should get most of the credit. Also for Jen to tolerate my times of PMS so lovingly. It remains both a curse and a blessing to have TS. At the end of the day, I wouldn't have changed a thing in my past. Perhaps I would have used less drugs in my younger days as it might have caused a fair bit of brain damage and short term memory loss. drugs did not broaden my mind, but if anything, it would have shrunk it. Luckily I got out of it quickly, because I might have been dead by now if I didn't. God had a plan all along, and it's to bless me and use my Art as a blessing for others. I'm keen to continue to be used and share my emotions and thoughts with all who might find it amusing. It's certainly gives me a wonderful emotional outlet that I find very useful. 

Yet another Camping experience. Easter in Australia is a must camp thingy. So we went to Forsters Valley, Lanis to be exact. It was good. I might not do that every year, but now we know how it is. Not superbly exiting nor very scenic, but it's certainly not a bad place at all. We went swimming at the beach on saturday, and I took some action shots of people in the waves. A fat guy, about 40 years old or so, approached me asking me what I'm photographing and demanded to see the photos on my camera. I showed him some, but then realised that he is having a problem with me taking photos. His reaction was: 'nobody else is taking photos here, so why should you?" I couldn't believe such a dumb argument. I told him that I am an artist and uses it for drawing, and he said that everyone there is an artist! Now, this man is not actually dumb, but just have a very very limited mind, and I'm sad to say that he was very much Australian. I'm not saying Australians are like this, but he was certainly a very average Ozie bloke. He went on to say that I don't have the permission of the parents to photograph any children. I got pretty upset as I know very well that I wasn't doing anything wrong in taking general shots. He threatened to report me to the lifeguards, and so I joined him and explained to them just how upsetting such a dumb attitude is. They agreed with me, but my mood to take any more photos was certainly ruined. My mood was  quite spoilt for a few hours with the taught of such stupidity just driving me up the wall. Its because of this mindset that people are hardly allowed to do anything in Australia without being criticised and ridiculed, needing insurance for everything and simply not having any free will to live a proper life. I'm not going to be limited by the personal issues that others want to burden others with. Not for me, thank you. I'm free in my spirit and needs to stay that way if I want to be creative. I'm just sad that this could be the Australian way for many. Laid back and relaxed Australians? I'm not sure about that. Then again, I shouldn't generalse. It is in essence what my art is going against that I was staring in the face on Saturday. Instead of fionding it motivating, it drag me down and it left a scar on my creative freedom. And it certainly didn't bother the narrow minded fat guy who accused me of wrongdoing at all. I don't believe he has much feelings of any kind. I will get over it and this will motivate me to go harder against the multitude of mindless meak and weak porridge people! 

We had the Awakening Camp on Friday and Saturday. What an amazing experience! This is a Collaboration between the Local Afican Community and Aboriginal Community, in order to produce Landart on the Skillion, at Terrigal. I am the Artist on behalf of the African community. What an honour to be working alongside Gavi Duncan and all those involved in shaping the backbone. The aim to is to connect our cultures to Australian culture and bridge the differences between Western and 'Others' if I may call it that. The Aboriginal culture is so rich in spiritual wisdom, underlines with environmental life. It was an absolutely amazing experience. We shared, sung songs, danced and ate lovely food. But the personal experiences and knowledge that was shared is just so valuable. This week I have been booming with new ideas and it is clearly having an impact on my artistic approach. 

i produce a lot of artworks. The reason is that my work is driven my philosophy and everyday experiences and perceptions, not emotions. I used to be more inclined to produce work based on my emotions, but that is just too unstable, and you would only be productive during either an emotional high, or low. My life is much more stable now, since I don't use drugs any more, and believe in God, whom is my foundation. I can't produce art in times that I feel sad or down anymore. They are usually not good, and my best work is done when I am very positive and cheerful. It's Easter and I am getting more and more cheerful as we approach the weekend! Life's influences is just greatly amazing and I thank God for all the opportunities that he gives me and my lovely wife. Jen.